Anxious Morning For Me, Good Day For Aaron

Today they did a little mini parade around our town with Aaron's preschool class to celebrate the day of the young child. They were escorted by some police cars and fire trucks. It was pretty cute.

Here was the dilemma I had. When they did a similar thing for Halloween, which was trick or treating at the local businesses, I went along with the kids and Roo, Aaron began freaking out every time the walk stopped for the kids to go inside to get the treat (he has no concept of Halloween) and walks are supposed to just go from point A to point B as far as he's concerned.

My husband and I own the local hardware store in our town and it is on one of the main roads and always on the parade or walking route for the kids. There aren't many places to go where we live so we always go to the same places when we're out with Aaron, grandma and grandpa's house, the park, and the hardware store to see Daddy.

So on Halloween when we walked by the hardware store and Daddy waved hi at us from the front door, Aaron went bat crap crazy. He was sitting in our double stroller with Roo, it's a side by side stroller and he started flailing around so violently that I thought he might injure her if I didn't get him out of there. The issue was obviously that in the past when we go by the hardware store, we stop at the hardware store. We broke the all important routine by doing this Halloween thing, the hardware store wasn't on the trick or treating stop list and when we didn't stop he decided he wasn't having any of that. If memory serves, my husband came out and got Aaron and then I started to cry right there in front of the other parents who I had only known for about a month. I didn't know if any of them knew Aaron had autism, I was worried they would think he was just a brat and that is one of my worst fears because we live in such a small town and he really is a good kid...it was horrible. I have had a lot of experiences like this in the past either because of a change in routine or Aaron being overwhelmed with his environment, and it never gets easier.

Of course everyone at the school knows Aaron and our family now and they all love him and think he is as wonderful as we do. They are all great people.

Anyway on with the story about today...the director of Aaron's school called me last week to tell me about the parade so I would have some advance warning if I wanted to participate or not (very nice of her) and I wrestled with this decision for days...I have had massive anxiety about whether I should participate. I knew if I participated that Aaron would insist on riding in the stroller (which is fine unless he freaks out and starts to flail around), he wouldn't walk with the other kids and that our parade would end at our hardware store. He wouldn't allow us to finish it because....we always stop at the hardware store.

I have a chest cold right now and the last thing I wanted to do today was take a walk anywhere so last night I decided that when it was time for the parade to start, Roo and I would drive to the hardware store and wait there, then when the kids walked by and Aaron had his inevitable freakout, I would just go out and get him. That was the plan.

I thought about it some more this morning and I remembered all the times at school when I was sure that Aaron would just lose his gourd on some field trip that they went on or some project they were going to do and he always seemed to do okay...he still has his issues, but it doesn't end his day like it does when I am there. The common denominator in all of these successful things was the lack of my presence. He gets so distracted by me that he can't pay attention to anything else. It's why I don't volunteer in his class. He needs that time away from me to learn to socialize but to also just be more focused. I am clearly a massive emotional distraction.

I decided to call the school this morning before they left for the parade and told the director that I would be in the hardware store "secret squirrel" style. I said if Aaron freaked out we would come out and get him, but if not, they could just continue on and take him back to school for the rest of the school day.

So there we were, hiding in the hardware store like a bunch of secret agents, I was snapping pictures through the window. There was even a guy who bought a bunch of paint and the last few gallons he had to carry out to his truck without the help of my husband because we didn't want Aaron to see Daddy. He was very understanding though, as most everyone around here is.

My anxiety level all morning could not have been worse on how this was going to play out...I was a basket case of the highest magnitude...and it was all for nothing.

There was Aaron, walking with a teacher holding each hand so he wouldn't bolt (nice that my kid requires 2 out of the not a lot of teachers...sorry other parents...I am glad that they see the potential that he could bolt though). Aaron barely even looked over at the hardware store BOTH times that they walked by. He couldn't have cared less. Clearly taking me out of that equation was the right thing to do and even though I would love to participate in those things with him I am so happy that he got to do that with his class and that it went so well.

When I picked him up from school they also said he did great. He did freak out a little bit when the fire engine turned their sirens on a couple of times to which I say "no sh!#"...the kid does not like loud noises...

All in all a good day for Aaron...an anxious morning for me that ended in a good day because Aaron had a good day.